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How Maddy and Nate’s Relationship Looked from the Outside
At the beginning of their relationship, Nate Jacobs was incredibly sweet with Maddy Perez, giving her a fresh bouquet of flowers every single day at her locker. They were physically showing affection at school, kissing each other in the hallway at Euphoria High and holding each other’s hands walking home from school. Nate promises to protect men who wanted to hurt her, going as far to state that he’ll kill them. Feeling flattered by Nate’s protective nature, Maddy calls Nate “the sweetest guy ever”.
While this relationship looked perfect from the outside, behind closed doors were hallmarks of an abusive partner and domestic violence.
Maddy and Nate’s On-and-Off Relationship
In the pilot episode of Euphoria, Maddy degrades her appearance as she gets dressed for a party. Moreover, she reveals that Nate has ruined her confidence, constantly criticizing everything that she does. Her friends, BB and Kat, hype her up for the upcoming party. At this point in the series, Nate and Maddy broke up with each other. When Maddy arrives at the party, she gets back at her ex, Nate, by hooking up with someone else. Eventually, Maddy and Nate get back together, resuming their on-and-off again relationship.
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Chaos between Maddy and Nate Escalate at the Carnival
At the carnival, Maddy wears a revealing deep purple matching set with cutouts on her pants. When they find each other, Nate judges Maddy for “looking like a hooker”, and that she cannot be wearing that to meet his parents due to the chili cook-off. Additionally, Nate tells Maddy off that his parents already don’t like her, but doesn’t give any concrete reasons whatsoever. At this point, Maddy confidently struts, unaware of how rapidly Nate’s behavior could escalate in danger.
Angry, Maddy blows him off and talks to one of her best friends, Cassie, who was sitting alone crying. Maddy asks Cassie if she wants to do Molly, and then they purchase a pretzel and a dash of Molly for themselves. Afterward, Maddy and Cassie confine in each other about their boyfriend troubles. Maddy reveals to Cassie that Nate has been acting weird lately after she discovered suspicious photos on his phone.
Afterward, Cassie and Maddy share a private moment with each other at the Funhouse Mirrors. They hyped each other up to be the most confident versions of themselves, giving each other space to be bold and confident amidst the chaos of Nate’s family.
Maddy then confronts Nate in front of his family. Maddy then pushes off the pot of Cal’s chili and insults his mom in public. Instead of breaking up with Maddy after she degrades his mom, Nate drags her away to a private area within the carnival and chokes her.
After being choked, Maddy sobs in private. She notices the bruises on her neck and breaks down in private. Despite the physical violence, Maddy chooses to stay with Nate, her abusive partner.
Euphoria High Discovers Maddy’s Bruises
After that fateful weekend, Maddy meticulously covers up her bruises with concealer at 4 AM for three hours. Then, she goes to school donning a dark blue hoodie, black sunglasses, a black mini-skirt, and a blue turtleneck. During her Introduction to Calculus class, Maddy passes out, and her teacher notifies the paramedics about Maddy’s critical condition. Since the paramedics discovered the bruises on her neck, the principal of Euphoria High is mandated to report any instances of abuse and gets the police involved. Despite Maddy’s mother insisting on pressing charges against Nate for the physical abuse he’s inflicted, Maddy lies since she still loves Nate and doesn’t want him to go to jail.
Maddy and Her Mom Argue about Maddy’s Relationship
Over the course of those five days, she has sent a total of 273 texts to Nate, none of which Nate has responded to. Maddy and her mom also argue over Nate with her mom stating that Nate really loves her. Maddy conflates toxic passion as love, pointing out to her mom how flat their marriage is and how they barely say anything to each other. After arguing with her mom, Maddy continues to meet Nate at the motel every Friday, unable to leave him behind.
Reacting to Maddy and Nate’s Relationship from Euphoria
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As I watched Maddy and Nate’s relationship unfold, I was screaming at Maddy to leave Nate, especially after he choked her at the carnival. I wanted Maddy to stay away from Nate. I was also extremely concerned that Nate could kill Maddy. According to WomensLaw.org, “the risk of homicide increases by 750% for victims who have been strangled compared to victims who have never been strangled”. However, I understood Maddie, having been through a similar situation with my most recent ex-boyfriend, Warrick.
My Previous Relationship with an Abusive Partner
Though Warrick has never strangled me, he abused in other ways. Throughout the three-year relationship, we spent many trips throughout the United States and rock climbed with him multiple times a week. Additionally, we were there for each other at some of our toughest moments. I was there for him when he was writing his thesis for his PhD, and he supported me emotionally when I got laid off from one of my jobs. However, I also felt worn down from his degrading comments and his constant need to compete with me.
Warrick Judged Me for Having Online Friends
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Earlier in the relationship, he looked down on me for having online friends. What was worse was that he met one of my online friends in real life for the first time in Arlington, VA, and briefly talked to him. He was even cordial with one of my friends that I’ve met through a Facebook group and even had dinner with him. Even though I knew this wasn’t okay, I still loved Warrick and stayed by his side.
Warrick Minimized My Fears of Falling and Icy Pavements
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When I told him that I was afraid of icy pavements, he minimized my fear. He texted me that I chose to live in an icy place. Even when he nearly slipped, he insisted on going, leaving me feeling small and unsafe. This was a form of gaslighting, a manipulation technique undermining someone’s reality. As a result, I questioned whether my fears were valid. That pattern carried into our last trip to the Adirondacks together.
Our Final Adirondacks Trip
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At our final Adirondacks trip, it initially went well. We were about to go towards the end of the high peak. Unfortunately, due to the overwhelming amount of snow and my inexperience snow shoeing, we weren’t able to get there. Worried that we wouldn’t go down by sunset, Warrick decided to go down early.
As we went down, I suddenly panicked and freaked out that I would fall hiking with my snowshoes. Angry, he blamed me for ruining the hike with my fear of falling. He got frustrated with me and went snowshoeing ahead of me, leaving me behind. I was crying on the way down, riddled with anxiety to not die.
A group of women checked in on me, asking me about my wellbeing. Warrick insisted that I was fine and should stay with him. Upset, I felt like my voice was taken away. He continued ahead, abandoning me to descend on my own. When we finally went down, he scorned, blaming me for ruining the trip. Emotionally and physically worn down, I also blamed myself.
The Aftermath of Snowshoeing in the Adirondacks
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Even when I called my mom to ask if it was normal to be terrified of falling on steep mountains, I still blamed myself for ruining what could have been a great trip between the two of us. Back at the hostel, I suffered from back-to-back nightmares and flashbacks and did not sleep at all. I did not feel like talking to him and withdrew from everyone else. Furthermore, I felt like a burden for even attempting the hike. I experienced trauma responses due to his behavior triggered fear and hypervigilance, which was a constant state of heightened alertness and looking for danger, in me.
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On our way home, Warrick repeatedly ignored my attempts to talk about the book that I was reading, What Our Bones Know by Stephanie Foo. Despite giving him chapter-by-chapter summaries to help him better understand complex PTSD, he put on an audiobook, drowning out my voice yet again. His dismissive attitude made me feel invisible, contributing to a pattern of emotional abuse by shaming my fears and endlessly criticizing me that left me questioning my perspective and confidence.
As he drove, he yelled at me, stating that he didn’t want to be with me anymore because of my health issues. They were too difficult to handle. Heartbroken, I messaged my friends and family what just happened. I burst into tears, wondering why my body betrayed me and why I couldn’t overcome my fear of falling.
After that disastrous trip, he took me back the same day. I was confused. Why did he want me back? Did I still love him? This confusion showcases trauma bonding, where intermittent affection keeps the victim attached despite the abuse.
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Leaving an Abusive Partner
For Maddy and me, our breaking points occurred when there was no more point of return. Maddy eventually discovered that Cassie and Nate have been sleeping with each other behind her back, shattering any hope of getting back together with Nate.
Meanwhile, I reached my limit when Warrick was stonewalling me for at least an hour for not cleaning properly, giving me the silent treatment and not acknowledging my presence. Furthermore, he did not apologize how his hurtful words from the night before affected my well-being and self-esteem.
Walking away was not easy, but it was necessary. Maddy chose to walk from Nate’s cycle of abuse while I realized that leaving Warrick behind was crucial for my emotional safety. In walking away, we reclaimed agency in our lives, and took back control that we have lost due to the abuse that our past partners have inflicted on us.
Further Resources about Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/202010/10-red-flag-warning-signs-abuse
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/emotional-abuse
https://www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse
If you want to read about the overlaps between autism and eating disorders, read this blog post here.
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